GRADUATION!

i am so so so not ready for graduation. like in a way i cant wait cuz i know that im going to start something new next year but at the same time im kind of scared of what is to come. as much as my mom and i have been preparing for the graduation party and everything i just dont feel like im ready for it like there is something that is missing and that im going to forget something very important like the pictures or something haha i wouldnt get that lucky hehe (: i just hope that it doesnt turn out like really bad or something goes wrong but i guess if it does we will make it through it and everything will be fine i just like to worry haha

summer!

this summer is going to be so super crazy i dont even want to think about it. i start my new job on the 18th and i really dont know what to expect. i only know like 2 people that will be working with me but i dont even think i will really be working with them anyways. its gunna really suck to wake up at 7 every morning except Saturdays and Sundays and i will still have to work at hy-vee cuz my dad thinks that i wont have any money for a car if i dont but whatev!

crazyness!!!

prom was last weekend and i didnt sleep at all! i actually didnt go to sleep until noon on Sunday carzy i know and im still trying to catch up on sleep and yesterday i had to take a road trip to Wayne at 10pm cuz my stupid brother locked his keys in the car and i was the only one that could take him his keys but it was ok i went with kyle and it was fun. i havent been able to get to sleep till like 2am or so every night and it kinda sucks but im just glad that i only actually have one more day of school left but the only thing is this weekend is gunna suck i have so much stuff i have to get done its gunna suck so much! i am not looking forward to Monday at all! this weekend is going to go way way way to fast and thats not good at all.

so........................ im not gunna lie i really dont know what to do about anything anymore. its all just so overwhelming! i cant wait till school is over! but then again at the same time this summer is going to be just as busy as the school year with my new job and everything else going on its just going to be crazy. why does everything have to be so complicated? and why do i feel like im making the wrong decisions? can i just please curl up in a ball and fall asleep forever!?!

PROM!

so... im really excited for prom! im trying to be happy about it so then maybe i will have a good time :) i really think that even tho i think its gunna be stupid cuz i dont have a date i still think that someone will cheer me up :D anyways i hope so hehe i love my dress and im going to look amazing! so thats always a good thing haha i really dont know how to get my hair done but other then that i am all ready im getting gitty hehe

GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

omgsh if this week hasnt been eventful enough! today i had to go and get in a car accident the first one ever in my life! it wasnt that bad but it didnt help that my car had already been hit before this on the front bumper and today i hit someone and really messed up the front of my car but hardly did nothing to their car but that was ok i guess. it just makes me so mad that i just have had the worst luck EVER! idk what i even did to get so unlucky

now what?

so..................... now what? well im thinking im going to go on a very long road trip to where you ask well idk i think im going to just start driving and see where it takes me (: idk who im going to go with or if im going to go with anyone at all i just need to get away from everything that has been going on like yea its not that bad im just tired of drama with everything i cant wait for my high school career to be OVERRR! i really am blessed with great friends it the other people here that really bother me and everything that is done and said about them that just bothers me the most... blah! thats how i am currently feeling i was up till 1:30 am last night doing homework and had to actually get up at 7:30 this morning

what to do now!

so basically im screwed for a prom date! i has one but he was a jerk! and now im left with a ticket and wont get my money back so... i NEED a date! but i guess if i dont, im out the money but i guess thats the story of my life... im not gunna lie i cant wait till prom is done and over with like yea im excited to go and all but in the mean time its just a pain in my butt! and right now the people i need the most wont even speak to me :( i just wish they realized how much i just want to be able to talk to them and everything to be ok...

if life only worked that way

most of you know about what happened this weekend but for thos who dont here it is. On friday josh and i broke up... yea it sucks but i guess "thats what we needed" as josh would say. yea in a way i feel the same but in a way i feel like he kind of let me down he always told me how we were going to go on trips this summer and we were going to have a blast together i wish that would happen. i was also looking forward to going to his prom which i would still go with him as friends but i really dont think he would go for that. sometimes i feel so sad about it but i just hope and pray that he will realize how much we need each other. because i know for sure i need him now more then ever. most of the time it doesnt even feel real like its all just a dream and i will wake up and everything will be fine... if life only worked that way.

crazyness!

i feel so overwhelmed with everything i just dont really know what to do it feels like everything i do i make someone mad or i screw something up. i kind of wish i could just go on a really long vacation for like a month or even more to just get away. i feel like no one really trusts me with what i do... i cant do anything anymore. right now i just want to go home and sleep for the rest of the day or even the rest of the week. i am not enjoying school at all anymore and i really hate work. im drawing a blank right now about what else to say so i guess i will talk later then

o how i hate work! and my car

o how i hate work! lately i dont know why but i just really dont want to go to work and when i get there im in a bad mood all night. i applied for a full time job this summer at Northeast and i really hope i get it because then i will be outside a lot and i wont have to work at stupid Hy-Vee that i hate! the only bad thing is that i will be working like 45 hour weeks every week this summer but then i might have money for a new car which i am in need of cuz this last weekend someone backed into my car when it was parked thats only the what second time thats happened it makes me angry! but i only have to put up with it till the end of the summer thank goodness!

STOP!

ok so this week has been ok but it just seems like no one wants to really listen to me or like talk to me. i have been going to people that i normaly wouldnt but i guess if people that matter to me most wont listen to me why wouldnt i go to other people you know what i mean though? people try to understand me but they dont talk to me so how would they really understand? i just dont understand that about people. there are things that i need and people dont understand that. i feel like i dont get the attention that i have been longing for (that may sound kinda bad but like i need things just like everyone else) i feel like im kind of scater brained on this blog sorry about that :). i just need a break from... well... life i guess

Randomness

So for the most part my days are getting better I think its because I have a more positive outlook on things. I remember when my mom said that was very important but I guess I dont really like to listen to her all that much even thought most of the time she is right.
Do you ever feel like no one listens to you even though in the end you both know that you will be right? Well if you dont I must be the only one that feels that way. For example whenever I tell for instance my boyfriend some good advice and he never does what I say... do you want to know what happens next? Well its kind of obvious it back fires and everything turns out wrong or something happened that wouldnt have happened if he would have listened to me in the first place. Sometimes I feel like people think my advice or even what i have to say is really all that important. I wish I had more of an impact on peoples lives. And this week has made me think of the impact I will be leaving when I die or even just leave this town. To tell you the truth im not sure what im going to do to make sure i leave an impact here.

Life sucks!

do you ever feel like you life is so stressful or even like pointless? well thats how mine feels like right now and i just cant deal with it anymore. i cant wait till graduation i need to get out of this school! everything about it just makes me want to hurl! last night was one of the worst nights of my life i just cant even describe to you how bad it really was i can hardly bare anything anymore. i dont know what to even think or feel or even how to react anymore its like im numb to everything and im in a dream that went all wrong and i need to wake up from this madness... someone just please pull me out of this dream that im in...PLEASE!

my vanentines day!

valentines was kind of a bust for me not gunna lie. i did have to work but at the same time i thought that i was going to be able to see josh but i guess hes to good for me W/E! haha just kidding. but really i had my hopes of being able to see josh just for a little while but i didnt, i always seem to do that not to say that josh crushes my dreams i just think unrealistically. josh did get my a rose though on friday when we hung out i was very surprised. on staturday after work i had the urge to find a gift for josh. so i went to walmart to find something cheesy. i got him a box of kisses that said heres a kiss for whenever im not around and he liked it and yea i also got him a little tinny bear that was pink and fuzzy that said i heart my sweetheart and a ring pop thats lights up that says be mine (i liked it) but over all surprisingly i had a good day but at work the manager yelled at me and and this other girl that was working at customer service with me because we werent "working" blah blah blah no one listens to him anyways but yea i had fun "not working"

the long weekend

so this weekend i had plans to get a lot done. i was going to start on a picture board for my graduation reception, find some things for my center pieces for my graduation, and do some well needed work on homework. well to say the least i got most of it done but not the important things like homework. i should say there is no excuse but really my mom and i got caught up in graduation things and by the time we were going to do anything else it was time for me to go to work and after work i got to adventurous with valentines gifts which wasnt good because i spent more then i wanted but dont tell anyone... im not going to lie to you but josh and i had a good weekend as well. i got a rose! i wasnt expecting anything at all but he was a sweety pie and got me a rose :)but it did kind of make me mad because we werent going to get anything for each other but o well i got him something too. with the homework thing im just not that motivated with things like that i just need to do something about it. but anyways see ya laters!

why do people care so much about what other people think about them? like yea thats how we get our self image but really does it matter that much that we have to stress over it? i cant say that i dont do the same but it just bothers me how everyone judges people constantly. like in one of my classes people just go back and forth about how different each group is and its so bad but like i try my hardest not to join in but its so hard when thats all that i hear all day long. when i see people in my school that arent just like me sometimes i might say something but i am really trying not to. when i see kids picking on the "weird" kids i just feel so bad that i dont say anything at all i feel like i should but most of the time i just act like nothing is going on. i really feel like a bad person sometimes. am i the only one that wonders what the world would be like if everyone was just even a little bit nicer?

So today in anatomy we disected rats well acctually we just skined them. At first i thought that it was going to be really really nasty but once i got started it wasnt that bad. Once you get the skin off for some reason your brean doesnt really realize that its a rat and i just dont understand that but its ok i guess. It kinda smelled a little but not so bad that i had to barf. I really think im going to enjoy this yes i know that sounds creeperish but you know i am kind of weird

O how i hate winter!
At approximately 11:46am January 12, 2009 I was eating my sweet and sour chicken from the mall. I glance outside and see that there is snow falling. I immediately think o great what a glorious sight... NOT! When Katie and I left the mall all is well but then it takes an immediate turn for the worse. As we are driving we turn the corner and slid coming within centimeters from a parked car. Our hearts stop for a second and then look ahead to see a train. only having a few minutes to get to school before the next bell rings we begin to panic. We had both thought that we left way early, earlier then we needed but when we glance at the clock we notice that we only have about four minutes to get back. Now we have to sit at the stop light to wait for the train to pass only hoping it wont take more then a second. Stuck behind a bus we realize that we will have to stop at the train tracks which messes everything up. Now that the bus is only driving about 5mph my heart beats faster and faster I begin to sweat. "Well the bell should be ringing now" Katie said to me as I look at her with fear in my eyes(2 minutes pass). We park the car jump out and run to the doors only to realize how windy it is and how cold the snow is that is hitting our necks. We get inside the school only to find out that the bell still has not rung. Relieved we get to our locker and get on to class. Within the next period it starts to worsen outside. And now at this point in time it is snowing heavily and is very windy. Oh the joys of winter.

In my childhood i always had a blanket that was my very favorite. I got it for Christmas or some birthday i dont remember for sure. This blanket I took with me everywhere and i mean everywhere! This thing was torn up and a mess but i wouldnt let anyone touch it. my very favorite part about this blanket was the silk edges. But for some odd reason my mom hated that old thing and wanted me to get rid of it. So for my birthday when I was about 3 or 4 my mom got me a new blanket but I didnt understand that the reason that she got it for me was so that I would get rid of the old one. when I found out thats what she wanted i ran to my room and cried forever. I did get over it but it did take a little time to heal the holes of my heart from losing my favorite blanket.