crazyness!

i feel so overwhelmed with everything i just dont really know what to do it feels like everything i do i make someone mad or i screw something up. i kind of wish i could just go on a really long vacation for like a month or even more to just get away. i feel like no one really trusts me with what i do... i cant do anything anymore. right now i just want to go home and sleep for the rest of the day or even the rest of the week. i am not enjoying school at all anymore and i really hate work. im drawing a blank right now about what else to say so i guess i will talk later then

o how i hate work! and my car

o how i hate work! lately i dont know why but i just really dont want to go to work and when i get there im in a bad mood all night. i applied for a full time job this summer at Northeast and i really hope i get it because then i will be outside a lot and i wont have to work at stupid Hy-Vee that i hate! the only bad thing is that i will be working like 45 hour weeks every week this summer but then i might have money for a new car which i am in need of cuz this last weekend someone backed into my car when it was parked thats only the what second time thats happened it makes me angry! but i only have to put up with it till the end of the summer thank goodness!

STOP!

ok so this week has been ok but it just seems like no one wants to really listen to me or like talk to me. i have been going to people that i normaly wouldnt but i guess if people that matter to me most wont listen to me why wouldnt i go to other people you know what i mean though? people try to understand me but they dont talk to me so how would they really understand? i just dont understand that about people. there are things that i need and people dont understand that. i feel like i dont get the attention that i have been longing for (that may sound kinda bad but like i need things just like everyone else) i feel like im kind of scater brained on this blog sorry about that :). i just need a break from... well... life i guess

Randomness

So for the most part my days are getting better I think its because I have a more positive outlook on things. I remember when my mom said that was very important but I guess I dont really like to listen to her all that much even thought most of the time she is right.
Do you ever feel like no one listens to you even though in the end you both know that you will be right? Well if you dont I must be the only one that feels that way. For example whenever I tell for instance my boyfriend some good advice and he never does what I say... do you want to know what happens next? Well its kind of obvious it back fires and everything turns out wrong or something happened that wouldnt have happened if he would have listened to me in the first place. Sometimes I feel like people think my advice or even what i have to say is really all that important. I wish I had more of an impact on peoples lives. And this week has made me think of the impact I will be leaving when I die or even just leave this town. To tell you the truth im not sure what im going to do to make sure i leave an impact here.

Life sucks!

do you ever feel like you life is so stressful or even like pointless? well thats how mine feels like right now and i just cant deal with it anymore. i cant wait till graduation i need to get out of this school! everything about it just makes me want to hurl! last night was one of the worst nights of my life i just cant even describe to you how bad it really was i can hardly bare anything anymore. i dont know what to even think or feel or even how to react anymore its like im numb to everything and im in a dream that went all wrong and i need to wake up from this madness... someone just please pull me out of this dream that im in...PLEASE!

my vanentines day!

valentines was kind of a bust for me not gunna lie. i did have to work but at the same time i thought that i was going to be able to see josh but i guess hes to good for me W/E! haha just kidding. but really i had my hopes of being able to see josh just for a little while but i didnt, i always seem to do that not to say that josh crushes my dreams i just think unrealistically. josh did get my a rose though on friday when we hung out i was very surprised. on staturday after work i had the urge to find a gift for josh. so i went to walmart to find something cheesy. i got him a box of kisses that said heres a kiss for whenever im not around and he liked it and yea i also got him a little tinny bear that was pink and fuzzy that said i heart my sweetheart and a ring pop thats lights up that says be mine (i liked it) but over all surprisingly i had a good day but at work the manager yelled at me and and this other girl that was working at customer service with me because we werent "working" blah blah blah no one listens to him anyways but yea i had fun "not working"

the long weekend

so this weekend i had plans to get a lot done. i was going to start on a picture board for my graduation reception, find some things for my center pieces for my graduation, and do some well needed work on homework. well to say the least i got most of it done but not the important things like homework. i should say there is no excuse but really my mom and i got caught up in graduation things and by the time we were going to do anything else it was time for me to go to work and after work i got to adventurous with valentines gifts which wasnt good because i spent more then i wanted but dont tell anyone... im not going to lie to you but josh and i had a good weekend as well. i got a rose! i wasnt expecting anything at all but he was a sweety pie and got me a rose :)but it did kind of make me mad because we werent going to get anything for each other but o well i got him something too. with the homework thing im just not that motivated with things like that i just need to do something about it. but anyways see ya laters!