Life sucks!

do you ever feel like you life is so stressful or even like pointless? well thats how mine feels like right now and i just cant deal with it anymore. i cant wait till graduation i need to get out of this school! everything about it just makes me want to hurl! last night was one of the worst nights of my life i just cant even describe to you how bad it really was i can hardly bare anything anymore. i dont know what to even think or feel or even how to react anymore its like im numb to everything and im in a dream that went all wrong and i need to wake up from this madness... someone just please pull me out of this dream that im in...PLEASE!

my vanentines day!

valentines was kind of a bust for me not gunna lie. i did have to work but at the same time i thought that i was going to be able to see josh but i guess hes to good for me W/E! haha just kidding. but really i had my hopes of being able to see josh just for a little while but i didnt, i always seem to do that not to say that josh crushes my dreams i just think unrealistically. josh did get my a rose though on friday when we hung out i was very surprised. on staturday after work i had the urge to find a gift for josh. so i went to walmart to find something cheesy. i got him a box of kisses that said heres a kiss for whenever im not around and he liked it and yea i also got him a little tinny bear that was pink and fuzzy that said i heart my sweetheart and a ring pop thats lights up that says be mine (i liked it) but over all surprisingly i had a good day but at work the manager yelled at me and and this other girl that was working at customer service with me because we werent "working" blah blah blah no one listens to him anyways but yea i had fun "not working"

the long weekend

so this weekend i had plans to get a lot done. i was going to start on a picture board for my graduation reception, find some things for my center pieces for my graduation, and do some well needed work on homework. well to say the least i got most of it done but not the important things like homework. i should say there is no excuse but really my mom and i got caught up in graduation things and by the time we were going to do anything else it was time for me to go to work and after work i got to adventurous with valentines gifts which wasnt good because i spent more then i wanted but dont tell anyone... im not going to lie to you but josh and i had a good weekend as well. i got a rose! i wasnt expecting anything at all but he was a sweety pie and got me a rose :)but it did kind of make me mad because we werent going to get anything for each other but o well i got him something too. with the homework thing im just not that motivated with things like that i just need to do something about it. but anyways see ya laters!

why do people care so much about what other people think about them? like yea thats how we get our self image but really does it matter that much that we have to stress over it? i cant say that i dont do the same but it just bothers me how everyone judges people constantly. like in one of my classes people just go back and forth about how different each group is and its so bad but like i try my hardest not to join in but its so hard when thats all that i hear all day long. when i see people in my school that arent just like me sometimes i might say something but i am really trying not to. when i see kids picking on the "weird" kids i just feel so bad that i dont say anything at all i feel like i should but most of the time i just act like nothing is going on. i really feel like a bad person sometimes. am i the only one that wonders what the world would be like if everyone was just even a little bit nicer?

So today in anatomy we disected rats well acctually we just skined them. At first i thought that it was going to be really really nasty but once i got started it wasnt that bad. Once you get the skin off for some reason your brean doesnt really realize that its a rat and i just dont understand that but its ok i guess. It kinda smelled a little but not so bad that i had to barf. I really think im going to enjoy this yes i know that sounds creeperish but you know i am kind of weird

O how i hate winter!
At approximately 11:46am January 12, 2009 I was eating my sweet and sour chicken from the mall. I glance outside and see that there is snow falling. I immediately think o great what a glorious sight... NOT! When Katie and I left the mall all is well but then it takes an immediate turn for the worse. As we are driving we turn the corner and slid coming within centimeters from a parked car. Our hearts stop for a second and then look ahead to see a train. only having a few minutes to get to school before the next bell rings we begin to panic. We had both thought that we left way early, earlier then we needed but when we glance at the clock we notice that we only have about four minutes to get back. Now we have to sit at the stop light to wait for the train to pass only hoping it wont take more then a second. Stuck behind a bus we realize that we will have to stop at the train tracks which messes everything up. Now that the bus is only driving about 5mph my heart beats faster and faster I begin to sweat. "Well the bell should be ringing now" Katie said to me as I look at her with fear in my eyes(2 minutes pass). We park the car jump out and run to the doors only to realize how windy it is and how cold the snow is that is hitting our necks. We get inside the school only to find out that the bell still has not rung. Relieved we get to our locker and get on to class. Within the next period it starts to worsen outside. And now at this point in time it is snowing heavily and is very windy. Oh the joys of winter.

In my childhood i always had a blanket that was my very favorite. I got it for Christmas or some birthday i dont remember for sure. This blanket I took with me everywhere and i mean everywhere! This thing was torn up and a mess but i wouldnt let anyone touch it. my very favorite part about this blanket was the silk edges. But for some odd reason my mom hated that old thing and wanted me to get rid of it. So for my birthday when I was about 3 or 4 my mom got me a new blanket but I didnt understand that the reason that she got it for me was so that I would get rid of the old one. when I found out thats what she wanted i ran to my room and cried forever. I did get over it but it did take a little time to heal the holes of my heart from losing my favorite blanket.